3.55am wide awake 

Yep I’m wake after changing a poo nappy then putting Finn back to bed I’m wide awake.

My children don’t often sleep through at night grrrrrrrrrr I’m currently laying here with Niall snoring beside in the middle of our bed.

Who the he’ll need birth control when you’ve got children because more often then  not there either one sleeping in the bed or one waking up (life as parent I guess). Most parents would probably be in the same boat has myself and I think  parents would be lying if they say their children slept through the night every night with out fail, I mean when they under 5 away.

Some people say I never let my children sleep in our bed that fine but for myself when I’m buggered and all I want to do is sleep it’s easier to drag the child in beside me and so back to sleep. The other option I have is to drag my sorry arse out of bed in the freezing cold ( I live down south in an old house)  drag the child back to his bed throwing him back into his bed, get him  a bottle throw that at him and then sit there in the freezing cold until he goes back to sleep (this is to avoid a complete meltdown in the middle of the night that wake the whole house up). 

So you if you have no children enjoy your bed to yourself because if your planning on having children is won’t last no matter how bloody hard you try not to  sleep with your children in your bed it will happen unless you have angels that sleep through the night from get go ( you do what you can to get sleep).

If you lucky enough and you’ve had children and they have grown out of sharing your bed count yourself lucky and welcome back to you sex life hopefully ( lucky grrrrrrrrrr one day I’ll get there). Well you’ll  probably get back more then your sex life, you’ll probably not walking around like a zombie with bags under your eyes and you can probably go to the loo in peace without anyone coming to see you or yellowing out to find out were you’ve gone. That’s OK you’ve done your years of all the above.

Honestly I don’t really know why I’m actually writing this in blog but it is the honest truth about parenting you don’t often get many times in your day were there  not a child far behind you or yellowing out to try and find you. Sometime I wish I had a super power to make yourself invisible just to have 2 mins to yourself , time to have a sex life or just to  have a full night sleep ( super power will never happen I know I’m dreaming). 

Yes love my four little darling boys all the same no matter how many times I’ve gotta share our bed at night and how many times I’ve gotta do my toilet business in front of someone. It’s all part of being a parent I guess and one day it will comes to an end when they grow up and finally sleep through night, no more sharing the bed and welcome back your sex life ( just don’t forget that birth control otherwise you end up at square one again). 

For now I guess I’ll enjoy my bedtime cuddles from one or more then one child at night ( don’t think Matt will enjoy being kicked out of bed because the kids have taken over ). Yes I’m still taking birth control just encase a miracle happens and we do actually get 2 sec to ourselves plus if I’m on it I don’t have to deal with the monster monthly so guess that’s a bonus. 

One day I might actually get to go to the toilet in peace and not walk around like a zombie with big bags under my eyes but for now I’m a mum and a mum gotta do her job because no day my four little monsters won’t be little anymore and have either own life. 

As everyone says they are  only little for short time even  if it seems like a life time. 

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All About Us

Well I thought i would start writing a blog to go alongside my  Facebook page so you can have better understanding about us.

You’ll probably find along that way that I’ll have spelling mistake and I’m sorry if the is annoying but  spelling and grammar isn’t my strong point.

As you can tell I’m a Mum to four crazy boys which turns me into one crazy mum but there is no way i would change my world.  I would say must mum would say the same about their children even if they drive a crazy all the time.

Right i better stop talking rubbish and actually get to the point of actually telling you about us.

I was born in Invercargill, New Zealand the middle children of three with older sister and younger brother all have children now so my four boys have amazing cousin to grow up with.  I grew up not wanting to have any children i cant say i was a real fan of them at all ( now i have four of the little ratbags) i have never been a person that goes crazy when they meet a newborn baby that just not me not even with my own children.

I met my husband Matt at the age of  17 year old through a blind date jacked by a couple of friends who thought it be fun to text him not knowing that he would want to met at some stage so poor old me the single one in the group got pulled along not having a clue what they had said in the text message. I got dragged along to some stupid movie I don’t even know the name of it anymore it was 13 year ago now.  As a 17 year old I didn’t even like Matt when i seen him (now that why people say never judge a book by it cover lol ) it wasn’t until i got to know him that I fell in love with him and pretty much the rest of it is history.

We moved to Christchurch together and at the age of 21  in 2007 I had my oldest son Ryan was the most horrific labor i wouldn’t wish it on anyone for their first labor, the skin to skin after birth didn’t happen with Ryan because of problems after birth. I feel to this day that this had an impact on the bonding i have with Ryan and how my postnatal depression (PND) developed as is such an important part of being a parent and speciously with first born.  My PND wasn’t pick up with Ryan as i truly didn’t know as a first time mum how your suppose to feel, everyone just said to me it just the baby blues and everything will come right. Everything didn’t come right at all i just learnt to block it out and get on with my life.

When we decided that we could try for under two as we wanting about a 2 year age gap as we both grew  up with brothers and sisters  within the age gap.  What we didn’t know is the battle we would face getting pregnant the second time around the first time around we didn’t even try we just found out .It took a total of 3.5 years and we were beginning to wonder what the hell was wrong with us. I would get upset everytime months when by or whenever someone told me that they were pregnant two close family members got pregnant during us trying. We both changed our diet , lost weight , several appointment at the blog, got natural medication and Matt also stop drinking. It was 3-4 months after Matt stop drinking that i ended up pregnant and was so over the moon. We are unsure what made the differences but i do believe that alcohol plays a big role in it.

So in November 2012 i gave birth to second son Lachlan another horrific birth pretty much the same as Ryan apart from this time i got skin to skin. This time my PND did get picked up and i think with the stress of breastfeeding and number of other factors my midwife picked up on it a trip to the doctor and i got a script for medication ( which i don’t think actually work) i think ones again i just learnt to deal with it and put it to one side and forget about how i was feeling.

Little did i know that things were going to change so much after the birth of Lachlan. With a routine doctor visit for blood and a scan on my ovaries as its a yearly think for me to get done.  What they found at the rountine scan then later in the blood test was pretty shocking  and hard to believe. I found out that i was 26 weeks pregnant, matt didnt come to the scan as it was just routine one but workmate came to look after lachlan, we were both surprise when the lady found a about even more when she said i was 26 weeks along this meant that lachlan and the baby were about to be 11 months apart so pretty much two babies ( Irish twins)

So 11 months later i was in labour again with  Finn. The birth was amazing and the best of all four it was 2 hours long with no pain relief, yes i was shock think both of us were but it had happened and knew we would work it out. I was still suffering my depression during my pregnancy with Finn and carried taking medication.

After Finn was born i was referred to Mothers and Babies Unit in Christchurch to help manage my  PND ( will write bout this in a later blog a bit more). I ended up being admitted to the unit just for weekend but in myself i knew i should of been there longer then what i was. I was with Mothers and Babies unit as an outpatient for 1 year before i was discard which to this day i think it is still wrong as a mother or father can still suffer from pnd past the babies first year.

Without the the support of friend and family we wouldn’t of made it through there were some pretty low points which ill write about in another post.

We moved in 2015 from Christchurch to Invercargill unknown to everyone that I was actually pregnant with number four. We moved down because the horrible increasing rent prices in Christchurch there was going to be no way we would be able to afford to live there with four children, so we move back to Invercargill.

So 2015 was a huge year for us we finally got married after about 7 years of trying because every time we planned to get married i got pregnant and yep still ended up pregnant, we moved house twice and had our fourth boy Niall in October 20015 and to this day i am still suffering of PND.

So this is pretty much why i started my blog not only to help others but to also aid my recovery in the hope if i share all my up and downs with you i will know I’m not alone in this horrible illness of PND.

Sorry for i rambled on a bit and if you cant make sense of it all as I’m pretty shit at spelling and all the crapped that goes along with it, sometimes my brain just does its own thing and throws a hole heaps of stuff at me.

I was hoping to hold some live stream on my Facebook page but my phone cant do it so will have to do it old fashion way until i can work something out.

Please if you suffering from PND remember your not alone doing it.